


letters to you, you, and you

by minimemeyoongi



Category: K-pop, SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bittersweet Ending, Codenames, Don't let this flop, Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, Hopeful Ending, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Bad At Titles, I'm Sorry, Just please read, LITERALLY, Letters, Light Angst, Love Letters, M/M, Nameless Characters, Nicknames, Please Don't Hate Me, Please read, Sad, Sad Ending, Sad with a Happy Ending, Sort Of, Teen Angst, To die, WHAT ELSE DO I EVEN TAG HERE WITHOUT GIVING SPOILERS, WHICH ENDING IS IT, but - Freeform, hehe, i want, ksakdjaks, please, please be patient with this, which ship is it?, you'll find out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-08
Updated: 2018-09-20
Packaged: 2019-06-23 19:04:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15612924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minimemeyoongi/pseuds/minimemeyoongi
Summary: To :[REDACTED]I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.From :[REDACTED]





	1. First Letter ;; 08/27/017

**Author's Note:**

> i'm Serious when i say to please comment :^( please do!! i want to know how you guys are feeling about this.

Hey, how are you? _He writes,_ I just can't help but notice you yesterday in the cafeteria. You were sitting in the same place, where you always sat, like last year. I couldn't help but scoff and roll my eyes at your unchanging stubbornness to eat in the same place even though two months have passed and it's a new school year, a new chapter. I couldn't help but notice you were with the same friends and I couldn't help but wonder why they still chose to sit with you in the same place, like last year. I couldn't help but notice that your bestfriend, my past crush, wasn't with you, because I saw him eating with other friends in the canteen. Are you and him still friends? I hope so, you guys were really close last year and maybe even more school years before that.

_He sighs, setting his pen down. He stretches his arms, cracking his knuckles. Picks up his pen again._ Anyway, I just can't believe you're having a new life now! You've made it through and now you're facing a harder, more challenging life as a senior highschool student. I can't -- actually, I do believe that you really made it. You may have been lazy, but you were always smart. And you chose the hardest strand, too! What a champ.

I miss you, you know? The guy you used to be really jealous about? He and I are friends again, and I guess I only let that happen because you and I no longer are. I really thought I was over you, because, god, highschool crushes are so overrated and everyone gets over them easily. But whenever I see you, the times now rarer than before, I can't help but get affected. I remember when you promised me that you'd always say hi to me whenever we passed by each other, how you said that it would make you so happy. He smiled fondly at the memory. It had been so long ago. Hey, remember when I did some of your essays for you? Well, we had the obligatory orientation and apparently those essays are a form of academic dishonesty, because I wrote them for you and you took all the credit. Sir even said, "Just because he's your crush, you shouldn't do whatever they tell you do to." and I couldn't help but relate, because, shit, I really did voluntarily do your essays for you. I hate that I let that happen.

Anyway, I looked back at our photos during the Sports Festival last year, the only proper photos you and I have together, and I just couldn't help hating you for your dimples. Your dimples are deeper than the Pacific Ocean while I only have a barely visible dimple. Singular. On my right cheek. I don't know where this letter is going, but the reason I started writing it in the first place was because I missed you.

I miss you. Miss na kita. Bogoshipda. Aitai. Whatever 'I miss you' is in other languages. I miss you, even though I know I'm not supposed to anymore. I miss you, even though it's been nearly half a year since we stopped being friends. I wonder, do you miss me, too? _He stops abruptly, smile faltering. Did he miss him, too? Was it all just him?_

Maybe not. I guess you've moved on pretty quickly. Even though you gave me flowers on Valentine's Day, even though we went on a friendly date three days later. Even though we spent so much late nights and really early mornings talking to each other on the phone, whether through text or call. I guess you've moved on pretty quickly. Even though your friends and my friends teased us whenever we were together, even though your friends still get loud whenever I'm at close proximity to you. I sometimes wish that they would tease you so much that you'd look behind you and see me, but then I wish that you wouldn't look behind you, because I wouldn't know what to do if our eyes met.

_Ofcourse he knew. He would turn away, probably roll his eyes before doing so, and walk back to wherever he came from. Then he'd regret doing that because he might've missed an opportunity in which they both could talk to each other again._ One last time. I really miss you. I never noticed how annoying your sister is, really, she's so demanding! She and I only became friends so that I could be even closer to you. I regret being friendly with her. Honestly, on the first day of school I encountered her and ignored her, but then she yelled behind me and called me a traitor. Probably because I didn't give her her gift for her birthday when I promised to. But whatever. Her attitude is so bad, I can't believe you haven't given her the scolding she deserves to be shaken enough to fix that shitty, spoiled brat attitude of hers. Don't tell her I said these things, but you and I know it's true.

_He chuckled. Really, everything he said about his sister was true, they even said the same things one late night on the phone._ Hey, what happened to us, really? Did you really just grow tired of me? Did you just realise you didn't want me anymore? A sudden moment of truth fell upon you and you just wanted to stop? Maybe it was because you didn't like me in that way anymore? You suck. I hate you so much. Honestly, you and I still could've been friends because I could've handled being in the friend zone. I've stayed in there my whole life. You suck!

_He wiped his eye. Was that a tear? No way, was he really crying while writing a letter, of all things?_ Though no matter how much you suck, no matter how much you were so unfair to me, I still regret doing whatever I did to make you end us. We were going so well. You and I had so many plans. Because of you, I won't get the prom partner I wanted to have originally. I miss you, so much.

_His eyes landed on the purple bow. It had come from the beautiful and expensive bouquet he'd bought him on Valentine's Day; it was the only thing he could keep that wouldn't rot away like the flowers. He never could find it in himself to throw that bow away, even though he'd told himself to do it numerous times._ I really thought I was fully okay. I mean, new school year new life, right? I don't give a fuck about you and your life anymore. But sometimes, when my mind is wandering, it wanders over to you and how you're doing. Is life hard? You've chosen STEM, a strand that's filled with sadness and math. Then again, you've never had a problem when it came to numbers, so maybe your mental health is better than the others. Did I tell you I wanted to take HUMSS? I'm taking it for creative writing and maybe also psychology. Unlike you, I was never good with numbers.

_He pouted at the admission. Though it was true, it was still annoying._ Wow, this letter is long. But you've always known I use too many words when unnecessary. Makes the word and sentence count higher. But, really, the main idea is that I miss you. I wish we could be friends again, even in my dreams. I wish you and I would waste our load on so many exchanged texts again. I wish I could hear your voice, that beautifully deep sound, I wish I could hear you talking about your day. I wish I could take even more pictures with you to preserve those memories. I wish I could see you smile again, I wish I could see those pretty cheeks form those pretty dimples I've come to love in the short time I've been with you.

I miss you! _He wiped his eyes. Was he really crying while writing a letter? Gods, he was so weak sometimes. He angrily rolled his eyes at himself and huffed._ I really do. Hey, if 11:11s really work, would it be okay with you if you were my 11:11 wish come true?

_With all the love I could give,_  
_Your small Superman_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> only one ship will prevail. please just bear with the mystery and nameless characters. who's writing the letters, who the person is writing them to. we'll all find out soon.
> 
> // this will be updated once a week! thankyou for reading!!
> 
> please check out my other [works!](https://archiveofourown.org/users/minimemeyoongi/works)


	2. Second Letter ;; 09/05/017

Hey again, it's me. I saw you earlier, buying icecream during recess or the time in between the end of the class and before the next one started. You were there, and I was there, and ofcourse we never looked at each other. Ofcourse. Disappointed? Me? Wow, funny, ofcourse not, why would you think so? I'm beyond disappointed -- well, maybe not disappointed, per se, but more like saddened. Saddened because you used to be so glad to see me in the halls as we passed by each other just so you could say hi. Now when I'm literally an arm's length away from you it's like we were back to Day Negative One, in which you and I didn't know of each other's existence. You were buying icecream, trying to hand over your money to Ahjussi who wasn't taking it, and I just wanted to take over as cashier once again, like last year, and take your money and hand your change just so that I could talk to you again. He sighed nostalgically; fun times, those times when he literally used to just hang out with Icecream Ahjussi while he had no classes and there were no customers. Fun times.

But I didn't, and I guess that was a regret but also a relief I didn't do it. What if you didn't let me take your money and give your change? What if you held onto your four hundred won so tightly unlike how you held on to me? But then again, what if you had let me play cashier? What if you just let the money go the way you let me go? Would that have changed anything? Would I be able to talk to you, to look at you like I did before? Or would you have just let me do my thing and return to not noticing my existence again?

 _He felt anger bubble up inside him; hot, boiling, sweltering, burning anger_. You're so annoying. I just want to wrap my hands around your arms and squeeze until my fingers cramp. Your mind is really so messed up, so hard to understand sometimes. Please tell me, please answer me. Why can't I hate you? My mind is so messed up and hard to understand, too. It's so hard to understand that I can't even understand it myself, even though I own it. But I'm blaming this all on you. This letter was written because of you, for you, and about you, so I'm going back to you. Well, the topic is. I'm not, I can't, couldn't, even if I wanted to.

 _Again, he sighed. This time it was one of defeat. Defeat, but not surrender. He'd never really learned how to give up that easily._ When you bought the icecream and were given it you stepped back and hung out behind Icecream Ahjussi. And I didn't mean to, but I looked at you. Maybe you didn't mean to, too, but you looked at me and our eyes met. Who averted their eyes first? I probably did, I didn't want to be caught looking at a person by the person themselves. I looked away as quickly as I could out of pure panic. But if I had a choice, I wouldn't have. I'd keep my eyes on you, and maybe smile a little, no teeth is fine, and then if you smiled back or didn't, then I would look away.

But I didn't, and that was the last of our exchange. I felt so sad but so much better when you left. I guess being looked at by you, someone who used to look at me and smile at me and talk to me and love me so purely, was enough for me for that day. I heard you laugh, too, and it was so cute. I could imagine those dimples showing in your cheeky cheeks as your lips were spread in a smile. Sadly, noone teased you? About my presence, because they usually always do that, before we knew each other, when we already were friends, and even after that. But then they've stopped.

What does that mean? Does it mean you've moved on already? Does it mean you've never actually had to move on because you've already got someone else? Does it mean you've moved on and found someone new? I want to hear your friends calling your name out loud whenever I'm around, Hyung, because that's the only assurance I get that you still sort of are okay with me. I really hate how you left me.

_With all the love that wouldn't get accepted,_  
_Your small Superman_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please check out my other [works!](https://archiveofourown.org/users/minimemeyoongi/works)


	3. Third Letter ;; 09/19/017

Hey. It's me. So this is going to be a short thing, wow a short thing coming from me, Lee Jihoon, the king of elongating things that don't need to be elongated? Yes, this is going to be a short thing. A musing, if you may.

I've noticed you yesterday. You probably didn't mean to, but you were at the other side of the wall of the cafeteria, you were with a friend, a friend you barely hung out with last year, you two were probably buying something in the counter. You were on the other side, and I was on the other side. I was screaming with a friend about BTS, because their song was to be released literally any minute then. And you probably didn't mean to, but you looked behind you, your eyes flying to the other side of the cafeteria, and you caught my eyes. I surely didn't mean to, but I looked over to where you were and we held eye contact.

I don't know why. I don't know why I looked, and I don't know why you were looking at me first. And it makes me wonder, whenever we pass by each other, do you look at me, too? Does your stare linger just as long as mine does? Do our eyes just not meet at times? Do you look at me, for me, whenever we're near each other?

 _He sighed. Maybe. Maybe not._ I miss you. Again, I miss you. But I'll move on. I think I'm already in the process. I think the process is going well. But if I were to choose from either moving on and forgetting about my feelings for you or freely being able to smile and wave and scream your name whenever I saw you, I'd choose the latter. Really. Because as much as I wish I hadn't met you, the wish of being able to still talk to you about anything overpowers the first wish by a mile.

I hope you feel that way, too, atleast even sometimes. I hope you think about me like this, too, atleast sometimes.

_From (I did tell you this was going to be short, right?),_  
_Your small Superman_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so now we know who writes these letters!!


	4. Fourth Letter ;; 10/03/017

Okay, so, first of all, you're adorable, but also very annoying. I've known this ever since you and I were friends. Were, past tense. Well, anyway, I don't know when this happened, but a couple of days ago I was in the library with my friends, and you were in the library with your friends. You guys were sitting in where my friends and I were supposed to sit, so my friends and I had to sit on the other side of the bookshelf, infront of the librarian.

And that's fine, really. It's not like that specific table you guys were occupying was reserved especially for us only. So we were deduced to sitting somewhere else. I was actually studying, sort of, writing down notes atleast, so if my friends got too noisy I'd be able to stay inside the library because I was actually doing academics. Now, a friend was sitting beside me, and he got full view of the tables, full view of his crush and you.

He told me that, hey, your crush is over there, and I knew it already, ofcourse I did, I knew you were there. I told him so. He asked me why I wouldn't sneak a peek. No way, I told him, and myself, because no way would I do that and risk getting caught. So I told him to look at you for me instead.

I resumed writing down my notes, reading and writing and revising, when he tapped my shoulder, leaned in really near my ear, and whispered that you looked at me. Now, I really do wonder sometimes if you think of me, if you still remember me. And while the latter is obviously a true (you can't just forget someone that easily, especially when said someone had so much memories with you), I just wonder if you talk about me, too, to your friends. Like, hey, did you know, Jihoon and I went to the Feb Fair together with his little sister, it was fun.

So I don't know if it's just my friend making me wish for a possibility of you wanting to talk to me again, but he said you tapped your seatmate's shoulder and leaned in to whisper into his ear as well, all the while looking at me. And when you sat back, said seatmate had apparently glanced at me, too. So I don't know just what you said nor why you said it, but you looked at me and talked about me? Or was it just chance that you were looking at me while talking to your friend? Or maybe my friend was just lying?

Gods, Dimples Hyung, I really miss you. I wish you and I could go back to being friends. Maybe not the way things were before, and I'm fine with that, really, but please, I want to be friends with you again. I just don't know how to.

_From,_  
_Your small Superman (or maybe I'm not yours anymore.)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kjskdhk i forgot to update but whatever nobody reads this anywaY


	5. Fifth Letter ;; 10/12/017

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i absolutely suck at remembering to update. thanks to those who actually read this and look forward to it, lmao.

Shit. I had a dream about you, you know? And you know what they say, if you dream about a person, then that means they're thinking about you. And I don't want to believe that, I really don't, because it was probably three in the morning when I dreamed that dream and obviously you wouldn't be awake at that time and suddenly just think about me. But, gods, I do wish you are thinking about me. I miss you so much.

My dream started off normally. We were at school, in the canteen. I was sitting with my friends at a table near the doors, I was sitting with my back to the door, and for some reason I looked to my right and saw you. One weird thing is that you always told me you never wanted to go to the canteen. I guess new school year, new life, right? I've seen you hang around the canteen this year a bunch of times now. So I guess it wasn't a surprise to see you sitting in the table nearest to the water dispensers, staring right at me. You were with your friends, too, but I didn't see any of them. I only saw you. And, me thinking that you probably looking at me but past me, or maybe spaced out, I looked away. I continued talking to my faceless friends. After a few seconds, I looked back again.

You were still looking at me the way you used to. Eyes soft, smile shy but sincere. So I smiled back, because that was the respectful thing to do. I looked away. Scene change, and I was walking down a sidewalk somewhere that probably wasn't in Korea. It was a very clean sidewalk, sort of sad - looking but clean nonetheless. I was with someone, or maybe someones, I don't know, and suddenly I passed by a music shop.

My dream was updated and all that, the music shop was mine and I knew it was because it looked exactly like how I envisioned my future music shop to look like. There were records inside, the whole place looking vintage and like home. You were standing outside the shop, looking up at the signage like it was your shop. You had a friend talking to you, saying something about congratulations for success. I didn't know why, but I found myself smiling, as if it was really your shop and I was happy for you. I walked past you and into glass sliding doors of some mall.

Then I woke up, four forty - three in the morning, and saddened by the fact that even in my dreams, I was so close to you yet so far at the same time. I do wish you were thinking about me. I know it's not scientifically proven that if you dream of a person then it means they're thinking about you. But maybe, just maybe, you do think about me. Maybe just not at four in the morning. I hope you're still thinking about me.

_See you in my dreams,_  
_Your small Superman_


	6. Sixth Letter ;; 10/14/017

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> see that little 6/8 on top? yeah, that's the final chapter number. this is the second to the last letter. thankyou for reading this far.

Hey, Seungcheol hyung. It's me, Jihoon. Apparently I was wrong. Apparently you don't think of me, you don't miss me, like I do. Apparently it was all just one sided. 10/13/017. October 13, 2017. The thirteenth of October in the year of 2017. Today (technically, yesterday) was the day of the Fake Prom Night. Today was the day you and I finally got to talk, in real life, once again, after so many months. Today was the day you made me cry real, actual tears. Today was the day you said you didn't want to be friends with me again. Today was the day you said goodbye to me for good.

I've never cried so much in one night, honestly. I don't usually cry, I don't cry because I never thought I needed to, I never thought things were sad enough for me to end up crying. But tonight, it was like my eyes had taps in them and someone had left them open for a while. During the first slow song, I had my first dance with my bestfriend, and I ended up crying on his shoulder almost as soon as we started moving left to right. I realised that nobody, no boy or girl, would ask me to dance. It would just be me asking boys and girls if I could dance with them. So that settled in, and I just ended up crying on my bestfriend's shoulder. And while that was all fun and dandy, atleast I wasn't mainly thinking about you then.

But then Photograph by Ed Sheeran came on, and I related so much to the lyrics that I ended up crying. Again. If I were to count just how many times I cried tonight, I would probably have to use two hands. Or maybe two hands aren't even going to cut it.

So I cried, calmed down, then cried again, then calmed down again. The first half of the night was fine. I screamed my lungs out during the highschool dance competition, them screamed louder when we won second place because our dance wasn't appealing enough to the judges. Well boo fucking hoo to those sophomores, bending the rules. We, the intellectual seniors, the grade tens, actually stuck to the rules but we get second place. Those sophomores bent so many rules but they get the trophy. Right. Just tell us you're biased and go. Anyway, I also screamed out my support when my batchmates performed Anpanman by BTS on stage. The food was good. Again, everything was okay, everything was fine. I cried, but not so much because of you.

Then I was asking supposed to be asking the vice president of the school if it was okay with him if my friend could take a picture when your friends suddenly made such a big fuss, moving to where my table was. Then they moved away, and went to me. You were in the middle, being pushed and shoved and very obviously not liking that, and your friends were screaming at you to dance with me, and all I could think was, 'Finally.' But you really looked like you didn't want to, so I had to sort of follow you as you tried to escape and asked you if you really wanted to. You didn't even look at me when you shook your head no.

And holy shit did I suddenly become weak. Whereas I was supposed to be asking the vice president for a picture with my friend, suddenly I was crying on said friend's shoulder so hard. Everything hurt. So much. Did you know, the only reason why I wanted to look good, look great, tonight was because I was hoping you'd ask me? And then imagine my surprise when you didn't even look me in the eyes. So I cried, so fucking hard, because of a boy, because of a friendship that ended too soon.

I cried, once again, on my bestfriend's shoulder, and he and I had to go to the Lounge because I was crying too hard and didn't want to be seen by others. While we were there, the songs playing were so sad and triggering and it only made me cry harder, and even if my bestfriend resorted to showing me cute videos and pictures of his puppies I still couldn't fully calm down.

So when we returned, he and I, I sat at my table and really, just sat there. I didn't want to do anything anymore, just sit and observe the people slow dancing because they could fucking slow dance with the people they fucking wanted to. But then your friend came, with you following behind oh so slowly, and it was your friend who still had to ask me if it was okay that you dance with me.

Ofcourse. Ofcourse I said yes. I didn't care that I cried a long time literally moments ago. I looked handsome and great and handsomely great tonight just because I was hoping you'd ask me to dance. So I smiled at you, because smiling always comes easy when it's you, and took your hand, ignored my friends who were giving me looks, put my hands on your shoulders as you put your warm, warm hands on my waist.

Our dance took too long, longer than appropriate, because you probably had other people you wanted to dance with, and I probably had other people I wanted to dance with. But I didn't and I was selfish, because any chance to be able to talk to you once again, atleast one last time, I would get.

We started off slow. You said sorry. I said it was okay. You said you were really sorry. I said it was really okay. You asked how I was. I answered the same thing I always do when people ask me that question. Okay. I'm okay. I asked you how you were; okay as well. You said sorry, again. You said no earlier because you weren't ready to dance with me yet. Pressure and all. You said you wanted to take things slow, set your own pace, but your friends were forcing you and you didn't want to dance with me when all those people were looking. I said it was okay. I understand. You really were like that, after all. Then you asked if my grades were okay, and I was thrown back to the times when we stayed up talking to each other about homework. I said they weren't fine. I wasn't going to be an honor student this year, that I was sure of. You laughed, and said the same. You said you got a seventy - nine in Math, and I had to act as if I didn't see your test paper in Math from my teacher and laughed at it. I pretended to get shocked, told you you were so good at Math because you were, and asked what strand you were in anyway. Because why not? It kept the conversation going. You said STEM, asked me what strand I was going to take. Easy. HUMSS. I told you about my NCAE results, which were surely way better than my first quarter grades this year. A ninety - nine plus in HUMSS and the GSA part. I didn't know that when I left with my bestfriend to cry, the teachers talked to you. I asked you if you would've danced me even if your friends didn't force you. You said yeah, ofcourse I would have, in a tone that said no, you definitely wouldn't have. You said you were afraid that this would become an issue, an offence, because you made me cry. I said no, ofcourse not. Don't worry. It won't be an offence. Unless it's considered bullying. You asked if you bullied me. No, I reassured you. Because it was always me doing the reassuring. We talked about other things, a lot of things, like old times.

I asked you if this was going to be it. The end. If, after this dance, after this day, you would go back to ignoring me and pretending we weren't close before. You didn't look at me. I asked again. You said you would chat me. I said I didn't have wifi, because I never fucking do, and you said that we should talk over there, on one of the empty tables in the back.

So I removed my hands from your shoulders, you removed your hands from my waist, and we sat down. Your chair faced me, while my chair faced straight ahead. I didn't want to look at you for fear that I might cry once I see something I couldn't have back. I wanted to ask you if you had plans for prom. You know, hinting that I'm still free if you're up for it. But I didn't, because you were saying sorry so many times like a kid being forced to say sorry to someone that cried because of him. It was so obvious. You weren't sorry. You just wanted to leave and get this over with. You asked me if I was okay, if I was going to cry again. I wanted to cry again, just to spite you. You said you didn't like it that you made me cry. Was it because you actually cared, or was it because you didn't want people thinking that you were a bad person? It was the latter. You said so yourself. I assured you that no, they don't think of you as a bad person. It was fine. After a while, after you flooded me with your empty sorries, you asked if it was okay to leave. I pretended not to hear you. It was loud, after all. You asked again.

I asked you if it was okay to ask you one thing. Just one thing. Why don't you want to be friends with me anymore? Busy. You said you were busy. Bullshit. Remember when we were talking to each other on the phone and I asked you to help me with my homework? You nodded. See? I was busy then, but did I leave you? Definitely not. So you told me the truth. You just didn't want to anymore. You don't know. Just that you don't want to be friends with me anymore. And I understand that, I do. I've felt the same way a few times towards a few people. I just never knew it hurt so much, you know? Especially when it's coming from you, someone I've shared so many good memories with. But I didn't cry. I just felt empty. Like I knew deep down that this was the reason why you left. I nodded. Said okay, because it was okay. You said sorry again. Asked again if it was okay with me if you could leave. You wanted to go back to your friends. You missed them. Don't you miss me? But I took it back as soon as you laughed and leaned back in your chair. Ofcourse you would miss your friends, the people you were with a few minutes ago, the people you get to talk to everyday, instead of me, the person you used to ask help for in English, the person you were with during Feb Fair.

I said yeah. Yeah, go ahead. I don't know what your deal was when you said you didn't want to leave if I didn't leave. You said you didn't want me to cry again, as if you actually cared. We spent a while arguing. Finally I said, hey, why don't I stand up and then you stand up, and then you go? G, you said. You couldn't have been more obvious about the fact that you absolutely did not want to be with me. So I counted. One, two, three. I stood up slowly, you stood up quickly, and walked away without even sparing me a single glance. And yeah, you actually did make it even more obvious that you didn't want to be here.

You walked away like we had no history together, like I really was just a stranger to you. It was a goodbye for good, and you didn't even say goodbye properly. It really hurt, and it still does until now. But fine. If you really don't want to be friends again, if you really want to throw it all away, then fine. I'll let you go. It will just take some time.

Thankyou, Seungcheol hyung, for giving me a great friendship. Thankyou for giving me an answer to the question I keep asking myself and my friends. You just didn't want to be friends with me anymore. Thankyou for dancing with me even if you didn't want to. Thankyou for talking to me even if you didn't want to. Thankyou, Seungcheol hyung, for everything.

_Thanks for the memories (even though the last few weren't so great),_  
_Lee Jihoon, no longer Your small Superman_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to all those who guessed that it was seungcheol, then congratulations!! you are correct. again, thankyou for reading this far. please stay tuned 'til the very last chapter.


	7. Seventh Letter ;; 07/16/018

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sahdjkhasjkdh i'm SO SORRY TO ALL OF THOSE READING THIS SHIT i couldn't find the time to update between school and the stress school brings. i'm actually in a computer shop right now just so i can update this,, thankyou so much for reading this! thankyou so much for sticking around long enough!! thankyou so much! this is the last chapter.

Hey! It's been a while. First of all, I can't deny that it took me a long, long while to get over you. Until now, actually I'm not even sure if I'm completely over you or I was just fooling myself this whole time.

A lot of things happened this year, after my last letter to you after the Fake Prom Night. Prom happened, the real one this time, Foundation Day happened, the Sports Festival happened. I swore to myself that after the Fake Prom letter I would never write you a letter ever again, and I succeeded! Until now, atleast. But it's fine, because it's been a while, and I'm not as sad at the thought of you as I would have been before.

I wanted to write to you after prom, actually. Remember when we planned that you would ask me to be your prom date? Remember when we were so annoyed that our school moved the prom from grade nines with grade tens to grade tens with grade elevens? Remember when you complained to me, last year, when we were still so very close, that your first ever prom experience was ruined because you didn't get the prom partner you wanted? You told me you didn't get the prom partner you wanted because it was me, and I was grade nine, and the grade nines weren't part of prom anymore. I remember laughing at you about it, telling you to stop being such a whiny baby. You could just wait until next year, when I was grade ten and you were grade eleven. You could ask me then. We made that promise, Seungcheol hyung. Do you remember?

I turned grade ten, and you know how our friendship turned out. When prom rolled around I waited for you, to see if you were still willing to ask me to be your prom date. Gods, it was so bad. I rejected the guys who genuinely wanted to go with me to prom, I rejected even my friends who didn't want to be raffled and thus were desperate for a prom date. I was so stupid in fiercely believing you would still ask me to prom even if we're no longer friends and we haven't talked for months already. In the end, I ended up going to prom with my friend, the one that the girls were hardcore crushing on when he was a new student last school year mind you. He was a great prom date, and maybe even better than you if you had been my prom date. Maybe that's when I started to move on from you. When I realised that, yes, being with you would be great, but being with other people who aren't you would possibly be greater. (But that doesn't mean I fell for my prom date, okay? I never found him attractive in that way, even though I honestly tried very hard to.)

After the event ended and all the grade tens and elevens were heading home or wherever they planned to go to after prom, it was also the prime time for last minute picture taking with people. So me, ofcourse, being the stupid idiot that I am, stole one of my friends and asked her to take a picture of us. I even told her to ask you for me. Embarrassing. Good thing you were a decent human being that night and allowed to take a few photos with me. Behind the camera was our bestfriends, mine taking the picture and yours laughing at you. After that little photoshoot, my date's car arrived, and so did yours. I had to yell to make sure you heard me, telling you to stay safe on your way home. You heard, looked behind you and straight into my eyes. You smiled. Told me to stay safe as well.

If I was a bigger idiot, I probably would've said that that part was the greatest part of my prom night. But it isn't. I said bye to you and you said bye to me. That was essentially it. Why would that be the best part of my night when I spent my night around my friends, with people who love me? I guess I could say that our little moment was a nice part of my night, but you don't make it to the top of the ranking.

Next event, Foundation Day! Our school was officially twenty years old, and I'm glad I was a student there to be there for it. Not because I love our school -- gods I hate that fucking place -- but because it meant we had a week long break. Whilst still having to go to school, it was all sorts of fun activities and guarded freedom. There was a chain booth, the classic jail booth, and an underrated marriage booth.

I wanted to write to you then, too, because I was chained to the guy you used to hate because he was close to me. It's so ridiculous that you hated him simply because he was a nice guy to me. It was ridiculous, yeah, but ofcourse I never let that stop me from sending you screenshots of my conversation with him just to see you get riled up. Anyway, I was chained to him, for twenty minutes, fucking hell, and I was so glad when the person who was guarding us told me that our twenty minutes were up. I knew what you felt, I guess, back in Fake Prom Night when you were so obviously relieved to leave me for your friends. Gods, I really hated being with that guy.

I also wanted to write to you to tell you that my crush, as in the guy I've been crushing on since grade nine Sports Festival, was married to me. May I remind you that my crush is The School Heartthrob. I was his first, last, and only wife. Of all the girls in the school that I knew had a crush on him, I was the only one brave enough to get myself married to him. (I mean, ofcourse I had to ask my bestfriend to do the paying for the booth fees -- but ofcourse I used my own money! I just had her do the dirty work.)

I cried during my wedding with him.

I really did. It was so embarrassing. But whatever, you know? I married my crush, so one big yes to that. I told him that being married (and chained. He and I were chained for twenty minutes) to him was one of the highlights of my life. He said that that was too much. I huffed, told him that fine then, it was one of the highlights of my year. He smiled, saying that that was better. He and I spent a while talking about random stuff. Where he was from, where I was from, why I was studying in this school. Then he taught me how to say some sentences in Daegu satoori. He was so cute, hyung. On that day I barely thought of you.

The Sports Festival came and it was the last major school event of the year that joined together the entire junior and senior highschool departments together. The Sports Festival also means the grand time for asking your crushes for a photo with them. So ofcourse I planned to ask you for a photo, like last year. It didn't happen, though, and while I was sad, it didn't last long. Intrams was fun even without you in it.

And that's it. The whole time I was writing this letter to you I didn't get sad. Is that what kids these days call, 'character development'? I hope so. It did take a while for me to stop being sad over you. Maybe because an entire school year has passed. Maybe because I spent most of my grade ten life pining over you and then repeatedly realising that I couldn't have you back, even just as a friend. Maybe because as I'm writing this, I'm on vacation because our school year officially ended on June. Maybe because I really am finally over you. But whatever. I barely care anymore about my feelings for you because I am ninety - nine point nine percent sure they are gone.

I now see you as the bestfriend I once had, as a memory. No longer as the person I have deep feelings for. No longer as someone I used to stay up late with. I no longer see myself as Your Small Superman, and I no longer see you as my Whining Baby Teddy Bear. Maybe we stopped becoming like that to each other the moment you told me you'd still talk to me, sitting across from me at the thin table in the library, smiling at me as if your words were true. Maybe we stopped being like that to each other when you left the library, leaving me with a goofy smile on my face, because yes; you were still willing to be my friend even though I did something to make you step back, even though I don't know what I did to make you do so. 'Busy'. Maybe we stopped being like that to each other when you told me you were just 'busy'. But whatever. I don't know, and I don't care anymore. You had your reasons, and I've accepted that you'll never tell them to me.

It was fun, being your friend, being your essay writer, being your English helper, being your fellow sleeping late buddy. It was fun being a part of your life. It was fun letting you be a part of mine as well. Goodbye. For real, for the last time this time.

Good bye, Choi Seungcheol, once my Whining Baby Teddy Bear. Maybe I'll miss you. Maybe I won't.

_From,_  
_Lee Jihoon, once Your Small Superman_


	8. My Letter ;; 09/03/018

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thankyou for reading and staying with me on this journey.

Hello! You have successfully made it to the end of _letters to you, you, and you._ I'm glad you made it this far. Surely as you were reading this, you were confused. I mean, even I was confused when I was editing it and changing the names. So, to clear the confusion, here is my explanation.

First, let me explain the happenings, letter by letter.

 **FIRST LETTER**  
\- the cafeteria is not actually a cafeteria. it's a sort of waiting area where students can hang out until they can leave the school. there's a lot of seats and tables where students can sit and wait until it's time to leave. i chose to call it a cafeteria just so that it's easier to imagine. i didn't want to give any explanations or anything while the work was still ongoing; it's to keep the mysterious vibe i was going for. i didn't want to explain, but i didn't want to confuse anyone either. i hope it worked.  
\- i'm sorry for the italicised narratives; they're the indication of what's happening outside the letter.  
\- sports festival. it's literally called sports intramurals in every school i've gone to, but i'm not sure if it's called that in all schools, so i chose to call it sports festival instead.  
\- yes, jihoon used to write seungcheol's essays. not because he was forced to, but because he was good at making them and seungcheol was not.  
\- i'm not actually sure if seungcheol has a sister, or siblings for that matter. i just didn't want to change anything that was already written.  
\- STEM? HUMSS? these are the two academic tracks of the senior highschool branch! lmao i'm not sure if senior high and its academic tracks exist in other countries, but in the philippines, they do.  
\- if you don't know the academic tracks, i've got your back! here's a quick summary of the three main ones in the way i see them :  
\- STEM ;; Science and Technology, Engineering Math - Very Many Hard Math  
\- ABM ;; Accountancy and Business Management - Hard But Less Math  
\- HUMSS ;; Humanities and Social Sciences - No Math But Many Papers  
\- thanku for coming to my tedtalk

 **SECOND LETTER**  
\- icecream ahjussi goes to the school where jihoon and seungcheol study, and he sells icecream there. he's a really nice person.  
\- at one point in his life, jihoon helped icecream ahjussi by being the cashier; he took the money and gave the change. that's how jihoon could talk about icecream ahjussi like they had memories together, because they did.

 **THIRD LETTER**  
\- again, the cafeteria. instead of cafeteria, it's a waiting area where students can hang out until it's time to go home. jihoon and his friend were inside the waiting area, while seungcheol and his own friend were just outside of it.  
\- the bts song jihoon and his friend were anticipating at the time was dna!! hehe

 **FOURTH LETTER**  
\- this has got to be the most confusing letter in this work, what with the nameless friends and all.  
\- if you didn't understand the image of the library, just imagine it like this : the library is huge. there are lots of tables all around, and the tables are caged in with bookshelves. there's a librarian with her own little table at one side. there are a bunch of tables infront of her, too. that's where jihoon and his friends were sitting. his table and the table seungcheol and his friends were sitting at was separated by a bookshelf, but they could still see each other because the bookshelf wasn't long.  
\- the table seungcheol and friends were at was jihoon and friends' usual table.  
\- the feb fair, or february fair, is a three - day fair held every february, on the week of valentine's. it's basically a prime dating time whenever feb fair rolls around.  
\- i'm also not sure if jihoon has a little sister or if he has any siblings at all, but again, i didn't want to change anything that was already written.

 **FIFTH LETTER**  
\- the cafeteria - but - actually - waiting area was mentioned, and now we see the canteen! now, the canteen is an actual place where people actually go to buy food and eat there. yes, seungcheol doesn't like going to the canteen, which is why he's always found eating his lunch at the waiting area.

 **SIXTH LETTER**  
\- oh dear. Oh Boy. here we go.  
\- in this letter, it is revealed that lee jihoon is actually writing to choi seungcheol.  
\- jihoon writes, 'today, (technically, yesterday)' because it was already midnight when he wrote the sixth letter.  
\- fake prom night is actually an acquaintance party. i'm not sure what it's called in other schools, or if other schools even have it, but it's called acquaintance party in seungcheol and jihoon's school. except,, again, in an attempt to lessen confusion, i decided to name it fake prom night to give you atleast a vague picture of what things looked like.  
\- this is another confusing chapter, seeing as there were many friends involved.  
\- jihoon was with one friend and that friend wanted a picture with the vice president of the entire school.  
\- the bestfriend that was always mentioned whenever jihoon cried is the same bestfriend for the rest of the letter. it's the same person. jihoon's bestfriend is such a nice person that they chose to be jihoon's literal shoulder to cry on for the majority of the acquaintance party.  
\- more acronyms!! NCAE ;; National Career Assessment Exam - it's a long - ass exam that students have to take during their grade nine life so that they can have an idea of what track to take in senior high. it's also required that they take it, as it is a requirement for many schools if you want to enrol there.  
\- GSA ;; General   
\- issue? offence?? these are what you get when you break the rules of the school. you make an issue. you get an offence. just be a good student and you won't have any offences.  
\- this was really supposed to be the last letter, and, consequently, the last chapter.

 **SEVENTH LETTER**  
\- 'long, long while'??? specifically one year and four months.  
\- fake prom night, again, is the acquaintance party. the sixth letter.  
\- the sports festival, again, is the sports intramurals.  
\- jihoon and seungcheol became friends when jihoon was in grade nine and seungcheol in grade ten.  
\- prom was changed from its original and rightful arrangement of grade nine and ten bring together during prom because senior high existed in the year jihoon was grade nine. so, it became grade ten and eleven.  
\- the thing about being raffled during prom? it's a thing. in jicheol's school, you aren't allowed to go to prom without a date. if you still don't have a date but prom is, like, in two weeks, the school will pick your date for you. that's what happened to seungcheol when he was grade ten.  
\- jihoon was so close to being raffled. good thing he got a date.  
\- foundation day isn't actually just a day; it's one whole week of celebrating the school's foundation. there's one week of not doing any school work and just lazing around in school.  
\- the guy seungcheol used to hate was chained to jihoon. this is the same guy that seungcheol was once jealous of, the same guy jihoon became friends with again back in the first letter.  
\- the bestfriend who paid for the marriage booth is not the same bestfriend who stayed with jihoon back in the sixth letter.  
\- in the last long paragraph, jihoon mentions a library scene. it's barely touched on, but in that scene seungcheol and jihoon are facing each other. jihoon asks what's wrong, what happened to them, why is seungcheol acting differently? busy. it's because he was busy.  
\- whining baby teddy bear is what jihoon calls seungcheol. if you haven't noticed, jihoon always signs his name as, 'your small superman', because that's the nickname seungcheol gave him. it's a special thing between them.

And that's it for my letter by letter explanation! The next explanation below will be in general; an explanation for the whole work.

If you didn't pay attention, you wouldn't have noticed that Jihoon was in the tenth grade (and Seungcheol in the eleventh) as he wrote these letters. When he brings up memories, however, they're all from when he was in the ninth grade and Seungcheol in the tenth.

 **All ninth grade memories are as follows :**  
\- sports intramurals, first letter  
\- valentine's day, first letter  
\- jihoon writing seungcheol's essays, first letter  
\- jihoon cashiering for icecream ahjussi, second letter  
\- jihoon and seungcheol going to the feb fair with jihoon's little sister, fourth letter  
\- 'today was the day you and I finally got to talk, in real life, once again, after so many months', sixth letter  
\- 'if, after this dance, after this day, you would go back to ignoring me and pretending we weren't close before', sixth letter  
\- jihoon being seungcheol's helper in english, sixth letter  
\- the feb fair, sixth letter  
\- seungcheol complaining to jihoon about prom being ruined, seventh letter  
\- the prom date promise, seventh letter  
\- 'so ofcourse I planned to ask you for a photo, like last year', seventh letter  
\- the entire last long paragraph, seventh letter  
\- the second to the last paragraph, seventh letter

This is a JiCheol - centric and Lee Jihoon - centric work, so all of those mentioned 'friends' are really all meant to be nameless. I never planned to give them names, because I didn't think it was necessary. I mean, you didn't even know it was Jihoon writing the letters until the third letter, and didn't know he was writing to Seungcheol until the sixth letter, which was the second to the last one. You didn't even know who the main characters were until late, so why would I need to name the minor ones, you know? I didn't name their friends because it wasn't necessary.

Next. If it wasn't obvious enough in the explanations above, then it might be obvious right now : I wrote the letters. The reason I have so much explanations for this entire work and the reason why I'm detailing every single thing down to the memories, is because this is a true story, except with different characters. Jihoon is me, and Seungcheol is the guy who gave me heartbreak. I took care to detail and clear up everything in this last letter because this is my story. Every place, every school event, every memory mentioned? They're all real. This is my story, of my silly little heartbreak, and I wanted you to know about it. I became the Jihoon for this work, and the guy who broke my heart became the Seungcheol for this work.

He and I were really close until one day we weren't anymore. I wrote the six letters and addressed them to him with the intention of never making him read them. I wrote the letters as a sort of coping mechanism; I could no longer tell him what I wanted to, so I wrote him letters instead. The seventh letter was never meant to happen, and was written only because I decided to publish my letters. The seventh letter was written for the purpose of giving this work an epilogue. The sixth letter was really supposed to be the last one, but again, for the sake of this work having a proper ending and tied ends, I wrote the seventh letter. That's why, if you look at the dates in the chapter titles, you'll see that the time gap between the sixth and seventh letter is really big. I really managed to not write 'Seungcheol hyung' a letter for that long.

So, yes, I went to the Feb Fair with 'Seungcheol'. It was one of the best memories of my year. It was my first time to experience the Feb Fair, and I don't regret that I spent it with him. Quick thing : UP always holds Feb Fairs here in L*guna. If you're from the Philippines living in L*guna, hit me up! Maybe we'll see each other next Feb Fair!

I wrote his essays for him. He was never good at English, but his English teacher at the time loved to give essays. I happened to love writing and love him at the same time so I decided to write his essays for him.

I became the cashier for 'Icecream Ahjussi', except in real life my friends and I call him, 'Kuya Icecream'. 'Seungcheol's dimples are amazing.

The reason I turned this into a Seventeen work is because Seungcheol has amazing dimples and Jihoon and I are similar in the way that we're both small.

His nickname is Whining Baby Teddy Bear, and mine is Small Mataray Superman. I won't explain why, because I feel that it's a thing that's only between him and me, even though I'm over him. It's one of the things only he and I know about. If you're not Filipino, 'mataray' is a negative adjective that is a synonym of, like, a snob. Before you jump to conclusions, he calls me a snob jokingly. It's because I suffer from Resting Bitch Face, which is why he calls me a snob.

I really got married to my crush, and I really cried during our fake wedding. I loved every second of it, even though I embarrassed myself by crying like it was a real, actual wedding.

I really cried a lot and felt like I ruined my bestfriend's Acquaintance Party experience. Like, two seconds into the dancing, I just started feeling these emotions over 'Seungcheol' and kept crying from there. It was so annoying. And I really looked good. My make up was amazing, my outfit was great, and my night was ruined by 'Seungcheol'. What a waste of effort.

If it isn't obvious, I'm a girl!! I had to change the pronouns, ofcourse, because I'm pretty sure that Jihoon is a male. Which is why it might have seemed weird that Jihoon married his crush, who was also male, and cried during their wedding. It's because the character Jihoon took was originally a girl. It's me. I'm the girl.

I kept repeating that I didn't want to change anything that was already written, because these letters were written long ago, and I really wanted to preserve the content and keep it as true to life as possible. I was, after all, sharing a piece of my personal life. The dates on the chapter titles? They're the real dates I finished writing the letters. 'Seungcheol' really had a bratty younger sister. 'Jihoon' really had a younger sister who came with them to Feb Fair. The library scene where 'Seungcheol' says he and 'Jihoon' can still be friends? That really happened. I was really lied to, straight to my face, just like that. The real 'Jihoon' really felt the pain.

I do hope that you, as the reader, felt the pain that I felt. I hope I was a competent enough writer that I made you feel what I felt when I was writing these letters. I hope you won't ridicule me for being heartbroken over a friend that I never should have caught romantic feelings for in the first place. Thankyou for looking forward to reading about my life, even though you didn't know you were reading about it at first. Thankyou for reading this far. I won't add anything more in this work after this letter ends, except answering questions, comments, and reactions. If the questions become too much, then that's when I will consider posting another chapter. However, the following chapters, if there will be any, will not be an addition to the story. Again, these letters are legit, these letters are really written by someone real, by me, written for someone real. I have not written any more letters after the seventh one, and this letter doesn't even count as it doesn't contribute to the story. Anyway, I do thank you sincerely for reading this. I hope that you enjoyed reading this. I hope you like this, because you've reached the end. Thankyou for spending these seven Wednesdays with me and reading my updates. Thankyou for reading this far.

_Thankyou for everything,_  
_minimemeyoongi / 'Lee Jihoon'_

**Author's Note:**

> please check out my other[ works! ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/minimemeyoongi/works)
> 
> // here's my (very inactive) twitter account! [@minimemeyoongi](https://twitter.com/minimemeyoongi)


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